Revealed: Best modern Christmas cracker jokes for 2015 – and the winner is a corker

Star Wars, Jeremy Clarkson and Jose Mourinho all feature on the shortlist of festive funniest recommendation entertainment:


Ed Miliband didn’t win the General Election in 2015 but he did win this listEd Miliband,Star Warsand Jeremy Clarkson top the list ofthe funniest modernChristmas Crackerjokes.Volkswagen and Jose Mourinho also feature high up on the list of festive gags for the 2015.UKTV’s comedy channel Gold invited amateur comedians to submit their puns – which werethen voted for by the public.The former Labour leader was the butt of the winning joke, reports theDaily Record.Read more:6 ways to get sacked at the work Christmas partyThe list was created after 72 per cent of people said that cracker jokes were outdated and 70 per cent said they groaned instead of laughing as they told their jokes.FoxThe Force: Darth Vader features in the list of Christmas cracker gagsHere is the full list:1. Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? He gets to open the door to number 10. (24%)2. I told my Granddad to go to Amazon for his Christmas shopping. He phoned me two days later from Brazil. (23%)3. Why were Jeremy Clarkson’s colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they’d been floored by his punch (16%)4. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side. (15%)5. Why did Santa pour Lemsip into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue. (14%)6. Why don’t Volkswagen holdChristmas Services? They get the readings wrong. (13%)7. Why is there no Champagne at the Chelsea Christmas party? Because Mourinho got rid of the Fizzy-o. (13%)8. Why was the turkey at the Talk Talk Christmas party such a mess? It was hacked. (13%)9. Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh (12%)Butt: A Clarkson joke is predictably high up the viewer-voted listed10. What do Wikileaks staff have with their Christmas turkey? An anonymous sauce.(12%)11. Why won’t Tom Jones be carol singing this Christmas? He’s lost his Voice. (12%)12. Why didn’t people like the new Apple Mac themed advent calendars? They didn’t have any Windows. (12%)13. Why doesn’t anyone trustJeremy Corbynto put up the Christmas tree? Because it always leans to the left. (11%)14. My gran knitted me a reallyembarrassing jumper for Christmas this year. It’s got fifty shades of grey. (9%)15. What happens when Jedisget up too early on Christmas Morning? The Force Awakens.(8%)GettyFunny: Taylor Swift has many talents, and apparently being apunchline is one of them16. Who saved Santa the job of creating a naughty list? Ashley Madison. (7%)17. What did Taylor Swift do when she was covered in snow? Shake it off. (7%)18. What are Little Mix saying to Perrie this Christmas? Forget about the Zayn deer. (5%)19. Why does Len Goodman insist on a selection box at Christmas? Because he enjoysa good Twirl. (5%)20. How do we know what Father Christmas has for dinner? He posts it on InSantagram. (4%)



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